How very true. I guess to some extent everyone performs for acceptance/ appreciation. That ought to be acceptable. But a great many seen to be obsessed with self-projectiion & social media has contributed to it in no small measure.
I completely agree with the essence of this piece. The phrase "the pornography of the self" captures our modern obsession so perfectly. When we are constantly curating, exposing, and endlessly analyzing our own identity, it is the ultimate expression of the metaphysical ego and will. It treats the self as an exhausting project to be managed and displayed, placing our own image right at the absolute center of the universe.
But this obsession makes us forget our fundamental thrownness. We are not just isolated brands or profiles; we are simply thrown into a world, a history, and a web of relationships we didn't choose. Those are our true limits.
When we approach our lives with a bit of existential humility, we can let go of the heavy need to constantly author and exhibit who we are. By just accepting our limits as mortals, we can finally look away from the mirror and let the world—and other people—surprise us with something beautiful and unexpected.
Very interesting ideas. That would explain how some people’s social battery runs out after being at bigger social gatherings while not having that problem with smaller circles.
I love the point about the 'Tyranny of Consistency'. When it comes to the 'self', consistency can only ever be tyrannical.
The self, by definition, is inconsistent. Therein lies its beauty and its uniqueness. To be consistent is to conform. That's not freedom. Young people are learning to market themselves like products. Dating apps, social media profiles, personal style. None of it is about us. It's algorithmic. And selling the self to the algorithm is the surest way to lose everything that makes us human.
Hopefully you’ve read Psycho-Politics by Byung Chul Han.
Beyond the destruction of the individual, he thinks we lose the structural conditions necessary for social change:
“Today, the distinction between proletariat and bourgeoisie no longer holds either. Literally, 'proletarian' means someone whose sole possessions are his or her children: self-production is restricted to biological repro-duction. But now the illusion prevails that every person - as a project free to fashion him- or herself at will - is capable of unlimited self-production. This means that a ‘dictatorship of the proletariat' is structurally impossible. Today, the Dictatorship of Capital rules over everyone.”
Your essay reminded me of his concept of auto-exploitation.
I would add that some people are even afraid to leave this performance since their interior sense of identity would be destroyed and they are not brave enough to reconstruct themselves
Your points are valid, but the title is not. Conflating pornography with ceaseless self curation is undermining the issues in pornography and your thesis.
What of those who write not for praise or any special motive,but to only try to make sense in an increasingly dense worldview. It pisses me off when everything has to have a motive. I do this only to get some clarity from all the murkiness I see everywhere in the social postings. Nuff said.
You know, I was just thinking today about certain comedians who adopt a particular character as their entire act, and later regret it, but fear that it's to late go back. That's what a lot doin' stuff online feels like, as if you're this character that most be maintained with each and every post or upload, or you will be ruined. But, it's all really just an illusion that we create in our own heads, out of fear of a negative consequence. I have no interest in golden cages, so niching down for the most amount of attention, or spending all day dancing front of a group of that I don't even know isn't a real option for me. I really enjoyed this post. :)
Every time we force our internal narrative into a performance, we weaken the space between — the relational field that actually holds identity together. I’ve been tracing that collapse in my recent post The Hidden Choreography of Coherence, where I follow how coherence evolves from charge to instinct to story. It’s the same mechanism behind the exhaustion you describe. https://randygazda.substack.com/p/the-hidden-choreography-of-coherence
How very true. I guess to some extent everyone performs for acceptance/ appreciation. That ought to be acceptable. But a great many seen to be obsessed with self-projectiion & social media has contributed to it in no small measure.
I completely agree with the essence of this piece. The phrase "the pornography of the self" captures our modern obsession so perfectly. When we are constantly curating, exposing, and endlessly analyzing our own identity, it is the ultimate expression of the metaphysical ego and will. It treats the self as an exhausting project to be managed and displayed, placing our own image right at the absolute center of the universe.
But this obsession makes us forget our fundamental thrownness. We are not just isolated brands or profiles; we are simply thrown into a world, a history, and a web of relationships we didn't choose. Those are our true limits.
When we approach our lives with a bit of existential humility, we can let go of the heavy need to constantly author and exhibit who we are. By just accepting our limits as mortals, we can finally look away from the mirror and let the world—and other people—surprise us with something beautiful and unexpected.
Very interesting ideas. That would explain how some people’s social battery runs out after being at bigger social gatherings while not having that problem with smaller circles.
So neurotypical people do understand masking.
I love the point about the 'Tyranny of Consistency'. When it comes to the 'self', consistency can only ever be tyrannical.
The self, by definition, is inconsistent. Therein lies its beauty and its uniqueness. To be consistent is to conform. That's not freedom. Young people are learning to market themselves like products. Dating apps, social media profiles, personal style. None of it is about us. It's algorithmic. And selling the self to the algorithm is the surest way to lose everything that makes us human.
Thank you for this post 🤍
Hopefully you’ve read Psycho-Politics by Byung Chul Han.
Beyond the destruction of the individual, he thinks we lose the structural conditions necessary for social change:
“Today, the distinction between proletariat and bourgeoisie no longer holds either. Literally, 'proletarian' means someone whose sole possessions are his or her children: self-production is restricted to biological repro-duction. But now the illusion prevails that every person - as a project free to fashion him- or herself at will - is capable of unlimited self-production. This means that a ‘dictatorship of the proletariat' is structurally impossible. Today, the Dictatorship of Capital rules over everyone.”
Your essay reminded me of his concept of auto-exploitation.
I would add that some people are even afraid to leave this performance since their interior sense of identity would be destroyed and they are not brave enough to reconstruct themselves
Your points are valid, but the title is not. Conflating pornography with ceaseless self curation is undermining the issues in pornography and your thesis.
What of those who write not for praise or any special motive,but to only try to make sense in an increasingly dense worldview. It pisses me off when everything has to have a motive. I do this only to get some clarity from all the murkiness I see everywhere in the social postings. Nuff said.
My favourite point here is the “tyranny of consistency.”
We do not fear being false so much as being seen to change.
Reloaded
goffman mentioned, this is perfect
Love the article for many reasons.
You know, I was just thinking today about certain comedians who adopt a particular character as their entire act, and later regret it, but fear that it's to late go back. That's what a lot doin' stuff online feels like, as if you're this character that most be maintained with each and every post or upload, or you will be ruined. But, it's all really just an illusion that we create in our own heads, out of fear of a negative consequence. I have no interest in golden cages, so niching down for the most amount of attention, or spending all day dancing front of a group of that I don't even know isn't a real option for me. I really enjoyed this post. :)
This is fantastic
Every time we force our internal narrative into a performance, we weaken the space between — the relational field that actually holds identity together. I’ve been tracing that collapse in my recent post The Hidden Choreography of Coherence, where I follow how coherence evolves from charge to instinct to story. It’s the same mechanism behind the exhaustion you describe. https://randygazda.substack.com/p/the-hidden-choreography-of-coherence