Eva Illouz’s Unheeded Warning on the Commodification of the Human Heart

We are scrolling through a graveyard of potential intimacies, a digital catalog of human hearts reduced to a series of data points and polished images. In this vast, algorithmic marketplace, the ancient rituals of courtship have been replaced by the cold logic of the swipe, a gesture that is both a selection and a dismissal. This is the world sociologist Eva Illouz warns of—a world where love is no longer a mystery to be discovered but a commodity to be acquired, optimized, and ultimately, consumed. Her chilling diagnosis reveals not just a change in how we date, but a fundamental rewiring of our capacity for genuine connection in an age of emotional capitalism.

The Digital Transformation of Courtship

The evolution of dating practices has been significantly influenced by technological advancements, particularly through the rise of dating apps. These platforms have transformed the intimate connection process, often reducing it to a series of transactional interactions governed by algorithmic matchmaking. According to sociologist Eva Illouz, the dynamics of romantic relationships in the digital age are characterized by a “procedural” uncertainty where increased self-focus among individuals leads to volatile relationships. Illouz argues that this volatility arises from reactions to perceived threats to one’s self-worth and autonomy, as individuals assess potential partners based on the display of neediness and interest.

Furthermore, the proliferation of dating apps has led to the emergence of stereotypical user profiles, which often adhere to certain visual and thematic norms, such as showcasing activities, social status, or aesthetic choices. This homogenization of profiles fosters a competitive environment where users feel pressured to conform to predefined standards, ultimately limiting authentic self-presentation. Illouz emphasizes that the digital realm’s mechanisms allow individuals to maintain a façade of independence while navigating their romantic pursuits, further complicating emotional attachment and connection.

The interplay between online interactions and offline realities presents additional challenges. The rituals and predictability that traditionally accompanied dating have diminished, resulting in a “muddled will” as users navigate their desires and the pressures imposed by social norms and platform architectures. Illouz highlights that this technological mediation often fails to reflect the full spectrum of human emotion and complexity that characterized earlier forms of courtship, thereby draining relationships of intimacy and mystery.

Moreover, the dating app ecosystem is marked by algorithmic monoculture, where various platforms share similar moderation practices and decision-making algorithms, creating a homogenized user experience. This situation reinforces existing social norms and constraints, particularly for marginalized communities, such as those identifying as queer or polyamorous, who may face additional barriers in pursuing romantic relationships within the digital space. Overall, the transformation of romance into a marketplace driven by data extraction and algorithmic logic raises critical questions about the future of intimacy in an increasingly digital society.

Today, we are everywhere confronted with the smooth and polished surfaces of the same. They have no negativity. The smartphone is a digital object, a same-thing, which has no opposite... The smooth Same does not hurt. Nor does it offer any resistance. It is what makes it ‘likeable’.

Byung-Chul Han

The Intellectual Framework: From Intimacy to Commodity

Conceptual Underpinnings of Intimacy

Intimacy, as a central sociological concept, is critical for understanding how societies organize human relationships, including romantic, sexual, parental, and friendship dynamics. Scholars have highlighted the impact of extreme individualization on modern intimacy practices, suggesting that romantic decisions are increasingly based on rational choice and cognitive calculations rather than community ties. This shift has led to the phenomenon of “cold intimacies,” where emotional connections are perceived as cooler and more transactional.

The Role of Commodification

Eva Illouz’s work addresses the commodification of intimacy, arguing that contemporary romantic relationships have been reshaped by market logics and consumer culture. She draws upon various theoretical influences, including Marxist theories of commodification, critical-Weberian theories of modernity, and Bourdieusian concepts of culture as capital. This framework posits that emotional experiences are often reduced to ‘commensurable items’ subject to cost-benefit analysis, thereby undermining genuine emotional connections.

Dating Apps as a Transformative Force

In the context of dating, the emergence of dating apps represents a significant transformation in how individuals initiate intimate relationships. The traditional sexual sphere is characterized by its organic and non-compartmentalized nature, while dating apps facilitate a more fragmented and commodified approach to romance. This raises three key issues